Just got back from our honeymoon. When we arrived on Kauai, the rental agent upsold us to a Mustang convertible. My excuse is that he was over 60, which elicited my pity (anyone these days who is my parents' age and working elicits pity, as I wish for my parents to be doted on while lounging in clouds of non-gravity), and it was only a few bucks more per day!
The car, which we couldn't have known would be cherry-red, prompted us to embrace our newfound mantle with gusto and fully inhabit the obnoxious couple personae played by Kristin Wiig and Jason Sudeikis. We cracked gum, we wore our sunglasses when we didn't really need to, we went to the hotel pool bar in the afternoon when there were children nearby.
We ordered things like tuna melts and fries when there was a shrimp stand across the street and perfectly good mangoes on trees nearby, I guess. (Dude, I hate shellfish, and fruit is a waste of stomach space, much like hard candy.)
We felt an unnameable malaise until the fourth night when we moved from the Hilton to our vacation rental and were reunited with the mother's milk of Fark and The Superficial:
We became the most animated when we found scenes that conformed to our images from television ads, like this one from a Bank of Hawaii commercial where teenage girls jump off the Hanalei pier and proclaim, "This is our Hawaii":
But we also provided one of the only stores of booze at the BYOB wedding, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes up for any touristy a-holeness we may have perpetrated upon the island. Our handiwork:
This would've been all water bottles without us, Babe.
1 comment:
funny how ahole is an anagram for haole.
You forgot to mention when you had a snack attack and we made an emergency stop at Taco Bell/Pizza Hut where you fretted as the staff took 30 mins. to deliver your personal pan pizza.
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