not the timeliest, but hilarious nevertheless

I've never embedded a video before, but this one is so funny, I'm willing to risk the embarrassment of utter failure.

lemmings

Ben and I just stopped by our friendly neighborhood bank, WaMu, where we opened a joint checking account, our third account there in the past month. While there, we overheard a total of at least $50,000 being withdrawn as people closed their accounts and prematurely cashed out CDs. The assistant manager (bitterly) joked about the giant pen she'd been using to sign checks all day. When one lady was asked why she was closing the account, she said, "Because I heard you guys might go bankrupt?"

Well, if we all panic like you and pull our money out then yeah, it'll definitely go bankrupt. Thanks for making it more likely, you broad-shouldered, '80s tank dress-wearing ninny.

Another woman, wearing torn shorts, a "Life is Good" t-shirt and slippers, first asked about how much she needed to open a checking account. Finally, I thought, someone who seems less with-it than us! Then, after carefully examining the brochure for free checking, she got to the teller, where we overheard her say, "I'd like to withdraw $10,000 from my account."

Whaaaa?

Then again, maybe I'm just jealous that these people had thousands of dollars to withdraw. In all honesty, if my checking account did vanish at this point, it would represent a setback of about two day's pay.

Time to have Ben melt out my fillings and hit the pawn shop!

tossed salads and scrambled eggs

I think a list approach will be the least intimidating and painful (for me, anyway) way to jump back into the world of documenting every miss and muss. So, here's a sampling of what's happened since my last post. This is more for my benefit than anything else, since I often find myself wondering, "I wonder what I was doing at this time four years ago?" I hope to soon be back to making brilliant observations about cereal box redesigns and those quirky Americans I keep finding myself surrounded by.

Hawaii, June 10-August 2:

• Didn't work a lick for two months
• Had a tumor removed from my thumb, couldn't use right hand for the month of July.
• Watched Ben sink (or soar, depending on your perspective) into the depths/heights of total obsession with Wii Mario Cart.
• Basked in awe of my grandmother as I wrapped our precious belongings in the hundreds of sheets of newsprint that she saved from my aunt and uncle's move and seemingly ironed into perfectly folded squares. Turned acquisition of bubble wrap, peanuts, and boxes into a full-time job.
• Got rid of a whole bunch of crap, from 10-year-old credit card statements to all those zebra print and sequined tops I've been hoarding since college just in case I ever got invited to several prostitute-themed costume parties.
• Decided to keep Sock 'Em Boppers.
• Lived with Mom and Dad for two weeks: became so addicted to Clean House, What Not to Wear, How Do I Look? and Project Runway that I rarely left the house.
• Took my last Body Pump and Body Combat classes. Cried a little inside. Abs, triceps, and other muscles not used in everyday life began their slow decline into middle-aged lady flappiness.
  

Bellevue, August 2-11:

• Risked ending my marriage with new addiction: Craig's List furniture sales. Purchased kind of cute, but mildly dysfunctional, mid-century modern dining set and credenza. Learned the meaning of "credenza."
• Played for hours: dinosaurs, roaring, bouncing, bounce-waiting, chase and chase-tag, catch and throw-catch. Realized I could spend hours watching Levi eat blueberries (and so could he spend hours eating them), started contemplating career in early childhood education.
• Went to Portland for a weekend of dinosaur exhibit-visiting, Jasmine and Carolyn-visiting, and massive pastrami eating. Ben got his new favorite t-shirt: "Body by Pastrami" from Kenny & Zuke's Deli.
• Interviewed for a great job as liaison between Seattle Community College and local high school. Got my hopes up.

Seattle, August 11-present:

• Didn't get the job. Spent the next week avoiding all activities related to job-seeking. Realized I'd been counting on getting the job, and began to panic over lack of job and mounting bills.
• Moved into our new apartment across from Gasworks Park, which overlooks some part of Lake Union. I still haven't figured out where exactly we are in relation to Puget Sound, and where that is in relation to the ocean. When I look out the window at night, I imagine that the glittering water just beyond the Seattle skyline is it, but am probably wrong.
• Bought lots of junk for our apartment to replace all the junk that we gave away before moving (mops, hangers, bathroom rugs, trash cans, olive oil....why can't all this stuff just come with your new apartment? Except for the olive oil. But think of how much is wasted whenever anyone moves, unless they've carefully calibrated how much olive oil and how many ziploc bags they'll need, and used up every bit before moving.)
• Bought the furniture of a couple leaving UW for a new job: shelves, dressers, TV, lamps....I should have made an offer on their plastic disposables and olive oil. While enjoying the two channels we get, came across an episode of Frasier. Appropriately, it was about a lady who had left her successful matchmaking career in another state to move to Seattle, and now found herself so desperate for new clients that she was carrying around a big binder full of what turned out to be empty pages. Now, if I can only convince Ben to let me troll the downtown bars for local washed-up celebrities, maybe I can find one to give me $10,000 like Frasier did!

Last two days:

• Applied for at least 20 jobs: preschool teacher, substitute teacher, after school teacher, barista/bread seller, Intervention Specialist (classroom interventions, not the kind I love to watch on A&E), Sales Associates galore, and many, many more.
• Scheduled 3 more interviews. Hope to cancel two of them once better offers come along.
• Tomorrow, am off to Bellingham for a one-night trip to visit Erick and Jenn, wedding guests extraordinaire and willing writers of prescriptions!
  

That's all for now. I'm going to go bemoan the impending fall of civilization, heralded by the news of Palin's daughter and the sinking feeling that this will only boost her popularity. It's only a matter of time before we learn the whole baby think is carefully orchestrated to appeal to those who like their national news aligned to the Spears family trajectory, and that McCain is adopting a baby apiece from Cambodia, Malawi, and Ukraine. And having twins.