i'm going to miss this

• Going to seminars for work that are held either a) at the Sheraton Keauhou, affording the precise view upon which I meditated on my wedding day; or b) at the Sheraton Waikiki, where on my breaks I can thaw from frigid air-conditioning by watching Japanese tourists sunbathe floors below, learn to surf, or plan their Western weddings. All of which I did today during the state meeting of English teachers.

• Buffet luncheons at said teacher functions that are so resplendent in their offerings of protein and sugars (fish, chicken, fried tofu and beef, plus five desserts!) that we Ts spend the rest of the day proudly comparing how much we ate. Actual overheard snippets: "Ho, look at the dessert plates! Most hotels only give you the small-kine saucers so you only can take one. Can fit all of 'em on those." (English teachers like to exercise their local roots at all-teacher functions.) And, "I can't believe I'm hungry again [on the ride to the airport]. I ate choke of that fried tofu and watercress salad. And the chicken long rice, oh and the scalloped potatoes. Must be because I only had one half-slice of the tiramisu. Oh, and little bit of the guava cake. Oh. And I guess some creme brulee. But I never eat breakfast.....just the doughnut when we got here, and a muffin and bagel with four cream cheeses. Ugh, I could not possibly fit another morsel of food into my mouth."

Good GOD, but my dialogue skills are pathetic. I realize now that I have been projecting by including a dialogue component in my class's final writing project. When I suck at it. This is projecting, see. At least, based on my sub-high school-level training in the discipline. Of psychology, not dialogue.

Whatever, that was a composite of quotes I carefully squirreled away in my mind, along with an attempted catalog of social offenses committed against me on the plane by this classic A-hole couple that I sat next to. They stole my window seat and never said a word, clearly hoping--okay, knowing--that I wouldn't challenge them because of my nice mousely demeanor.

I also squirreled up some exhibits of classic teacher behavior that makes you certain they qualify for sainthood. Who else would have to check out an ancient laptop to bring to a conference on media literacy? Or jokingly note that their eating habits are so screwed up by living according to a bell, they nearly faint when denied their 10:00 snack or 12:00 lunch, and have to grab the sides of the metal detector to avoid crumpling to the floor? And only one of those examples is me! Don't worry, I didn't almost crumple. I risked great shame to my family by taking three trips to the buffet, and eating a gross carrot muffin, to prevent that from happening.

I'm sure teachers in Washington, should I be so lucky as to get hired as one, suffer comparable injustices, complainable offenses, yadda yadda. But I doubt whether I will ever feel such solidarity as with the teachers of my homeland, if for no other reason than I now can say I've given up my lunch breaks to make candy leis and been swayed in the awarding of a scholarship by whether or not someone regularly signed up to bring "Main Dish" to potlucks. And that I watched a woman eat a commercially produced Spam musubi during a conference presentation at 9:50, and I would have traded a year of tenure to trade places.


* sharing a ride with a colleague I've only met once, but who is totally warm, sharing of her personal life, cheerleading of mine, and effuses of my shoes (gray and black Crocs sandals with a silver button) without the usual retro-irony, "Oh da cuuute!"

* Living in a place where Spam Musubi is commercially produced, candy leis are a valid part of school culture and a currency of the National Honor Society, and Crocs are acceptable professional footwear.