and etc.

Okay, I'll admit, that last thing (Animal, etc.) happened a few weeks ago. I've been meaning to tell someone about it ever since. I kind of like being told I look like Animal. I mean, he's a party animal. But Shelley Winters? Her character in Lolita is one of the most pathetic in film history. Of course, Ben is proud as can be about his resemblance to the guy from Sling Blade when he adopts the right posture and mannerisms. So darn it, I will wear these similarities as a badge of honor.

Tonight Ben and I are going to a birthday party. I've got on my party dress, and Ben will wear his short pants and jacket. We'll be on our best behavior, and try not to eat so much birthday cake that we barf. I hope we get goodie bags!

Seriously, and bittersweetly, I am taking wild rice and scallion pancakes with avocado salsa. Sniff, sniff. Whenever I make anything that I first cooked in either college or Cimino Compound, I get emotional. Days gone by, caprice of youth never to be recaptured, etc.

Last night I dreamed I was visiting the CC dining hall, and didn't know where anything was, or where to put my dirty tray, and all the other kids were my current students, who tried to be helpful, but it was obvious I was an outsider. Then I had another dream where I was getting ready for school (high school), and felt that all-too-familiar teen panic of a wardrobe and/or hair crisis. I went back and forth between thinking I was going to teach class or attend it. I am awash in existential confusion, at the crossroads of adulthood.

But shouldn't I have come to this crossroads sooner, like maybe at the age of 20? I hate being a late bloomer.