but i was such a NERD!

I got the call today that I had been dreading: the principal, telling me I start tomorrow. I’ve had two weeks to prepare for this; I knew I would probably have 10th and 11th grade English, and could at least have come up with my classroom rules, made lists of possible poems to study, found some curricula online, or shopped for an insulated coffee mug and adorned it with stickers.

Instead, as I mentioned before, I chose my timeworn approach of denial. It worked so well in high school (writing an entire semester’s writing portfolio in one night), college (writing a 30-page senior thesis in two nights) and my “professional career” (writing a crappy bookstore newsletter in an hour).

Teaching is not writing. Nor is it philosophizing, or theorizing, my faves! Here are a few brief reasons why I am wracked with anxiety over tomorrow, so much so that a bewildered Ben is tiptoeing around me and asking every five minutes if I’m okay:

1. My classroom contains one copy of a textbook, a half-eaten peanut butter sandwich in the rusty desk drawer, and a folder of mimeographed notes on certain students…
2. These notes, written by counselors, special ed teachers, and god-knows-what-other-deviant-behavioral-specialists, instruct me on how to handle the students, strewn throughout all six of my classes, and their assorted, um, traits: ADD, bipolar disorder, history of sexual harassment and inappropriate touching of males and females, chronic truancy, to name a few (chosen for maximum shock value, I admit). Among the tips for individual kiddos: call probation officer, don’t get too close when student gets aggressive, allow student to “walk off” her anger, call security sooner than standard school rules suggest.
3. My students range from freshmen to juniors, and are either level “Y” or “Z”. These are the two lowest levels of English. Something tells me the classroom demeanor I honed from college professors (sit in a circle, try to get the students to talk about "the text") won’t cut the mustard here.

I realize this is flawed logic, and tainted by a sense of entitlement that is unfounded and unjust, BUT. I was a nerd! I was never even in an “X” class, let alone Y or Z! I did all my work, was a Star Student (really, I got to go to McDonald’s with the principal and other SS’s for that), and hung out with teachers at recess. I want an Honors class, I want an Honors class!